The Haunted
When parents at Forman Elementary School described Evan Chambers, it was always with the tone of disapproval. Teachers despised him for he was the biggest prankster in the Fourth Grade, in the whole school, really. His biggest prank to date was convincing all the boys on the playground that the dilapidated Barn at Old Man Steven's property was haunted. It wasn't hard, the structure has seen better days for its exterior's paint had become dingy and the old wooden planks were falling apart. After its owner's health decreased over the years, he was not able to take care of it. It was so unsafe, no one has been in it for years; it really should have been condemned a long time ago. Nonetheless, Little Evan scared the boys so badly, Mrs. Jones had to make an official complaint that her twin boys were having nightmares. If only the adults knew that they were not alone.
In an attempt to step it up a notch, Evan decided to convince the boys to visit this haunted barn. As Timmy, Johnny, and Evan were walking home from school down Little Elm Road, the Barn came into view. "I bet you my lunch tomorrow, that you're too chicken to set foot in there," Evan said mischievously. The twins looked at each other wearily. Jimmy was the first to open his mouth, "Mama said that place ain't safe and if she ever found out we went in there she'd beat our bottoms red." A sly grin crept up Evan's face as he started flapping his arms and making chicken noises, "BAWK, BAWK, BAWK. The poor wittle babies are chickeeeeen!"
The boys went red in the face and huffed and puffed, as they pushed Evan aside determined to make their way to the barn, after all, they were NOT scared of anything. Evan waited for them to go a little way before stalking after them. The grass was pretty tall from the lack of maintenance, which worked to his advantage. He did not want the boys to hear or see him. Johnny and Timmy made their way to the half open barn doors. Timmy nodded at Johnny as a sign of continuing. Their was no going back, they had to prove their bravery once and for all. They slowly made their way inside. As they looked around, they realized that their was no scary monster waiting to eat there souls like Evan described, their were only old bales of Hay and random pieces of equipment. The boys exhaled in relief as they high five and cheered in excitement.
It was then that the barn door closed and the sound of someone beating on the walls of the barn. "The monster, the monster! Run!" Jimmy ran to the door, followed by his brother and screamed for dear life all the way down the field. Evan came rushing in as the boys left, making sure he wouldn't be seen if they dared looked back. He cackled and cackled and cackled. He cackled so hard he tired himself out on a bale of Hay. "This is too easy," he said to no one in particular.
"Hoo," it was a noise coming from the back. Evan's necked whipped around faster than the speed of light. "Hoo, Hoo." He was scared stiff even though his whole body wanted to run. His eyes were focused on the back of the barn. The lack of windows made it some what dim in the corner. He sat up, deciding on whether or not it was safe to investigate. But unfortunately for Evan the monster made up his mind for him. A image came shooting out of the corner and Evan ran out after the twins. "The monster can fly! The monster can fly!" In all actuality, the monster was only nothing but a wise owl, upset by all the noise that disturbed his sleep. Poor little Evan was never the same again.
Authors Note:
This story is based off of this nursery rhyme.
***
Authors Note:
This story is based off of this nursery rhyme.
THERE was a little boy went into a barn,
And lay down on some hay;
An owl came out and flew about,
And the little boy ran away.
I really enjoyed your story, Mary! It's not easy to make a short story from a small nursery rhyme like that. I actually saw that one when I was browsing through the Nursery Rhymes and went right past it because absolutely nothing came to mind. I really liked how you built up your characters and made the story a tribute to the horror genre. Like a real horror story where there is actually nothing to worry about. Can't wait to see what you right next!
ReplyDeleteWow! I am insanely impressed with this story! Reading the nursery rhyme alone, seems to be self-explanatory, so seeing how much detail you were able to give the story and the character really blew me away. I love watching scary movies and reading scary stories so I like that you went with a whole haunted and scary theme! This is one of better ones I have seen so far! Good job!
ReplyDeleteWow! The creativity in this story was absolutely incredible! I loved the angle you took at the beginning with creating a backstory of Evan being a trouble-maker; I genuinely felt like I got to know Evan Chambers!
ReplyDeleteThe paragraphs flow together really well, although I felt like the last paragraph wasn't as strong as the first three! The story seemed to be a little disproportionate, the scaring of the other boys took three paragraphs, but Evan being scared seemed rushed in one paragraph.
The way you described the setting was amazing! I could visualize the old barn and the less intimidating inside with the hay and equipment. It could've been helpful to describe where the sounds came from, where the owl is, a little more. Maybe describe how eery it was with the dims light and that he could faintly make out a shape right before he heard the sounds!
I did notice that several times you used the wrong form of "there, their, they're" and it was a tad distracting to me as I was reading the story. It helps me to think of there as the opposite of here, because "here" is in the spelling of there!