First off, I liked the cover page of your storybook. I also liked the contrast of the three villains and how it caught my attention. After looking at the pictures and reading the caption under it, it made me wonder what the stories were going to be about and why we would want to root for the bad guys! After reading your introduction it all came together very nicely. I also would like to add that your introduction was amazing! I loved how you wrote it. It was cool to be able to be inside the characters mind and her their thoughts about what was unfolding in front of them. It truly felt personal! Another thing that I liked was the humor weaved throughout the introduction. All in all, your writing style seems to be very well put together and I'm so excited to read your stories!
Hello Mary, Let me just say that I LOVE your design! I am now wishing I would have used Wix instead of google sites! When your site loaded and I saw everything that was going on, I was instantly excited to read your storybook! I've told this to other people but the a story will only survive if the reader can connect with the characters and feel their emotions and you have done a great job at this. I also like that your text contrasts with the background and you've spaced everything out to where it doesn't run together into one big blob of words. Great job and I can't wait to read more!
First of all, I really like your page. It’s really nice with the color scheme and having different colors for the different stories. The images are also very cool to look at. I like the perspective you wrote this in. I feel like Daenerys is really talking to me with the word choices. It shows how captivating your story is and how it grabs the readers attention by placing him in the story. It also feels more personal to the reader, which I like.
Fro the introduction, I can definitely see the references to the Suicide Squad. I hope to see more references there and also from Harry Potter, which is one of my favorite book series. I know this is going to be a fun write for you and a fun read for me. I can’t wait to read the final product to catch any other references I can recognize. You did a great job and hope that you continue to progress.
Wow your coverpage made me pause and take it all in. I like it. The pictures you chose are very detailed but making each one their own color makes it not overwhelming. I haven't seen anything like your page yet. The dark background with the white text, makes for easier reading. The overall theme of the story is an awesome idea!! The picture you chose for the middle of the page of your introduction looks good on the page. The yellow boxes with the white text are somewhat difficult to read. I did pick up on your Harry Potter reference. I didn't understand the different text at first but after I went back I understood it as what was currently happening. That's a cool idea! I like your overall page, theme and story! Finally the picture of the badge really brought everything together. I will definitely return to your page to read your future stories!
I am such a sucker for anything police or cop related, so you definitely got me hooked! Your designs are awesome. I really like your colors and your images. My favorite is the badge at the end of your into page. Your writing is also great! I love the role that you are taking on. It made your introduction much more interesting. I feel that your intro and story both flow very well. Your writing style is the same in both so it does not seem confusing to me at all. The dark background and white text makes reading your stories very easy as well. I know I read some pages where I had to strain to see the words, but yours was very easy on me. Your picture on your story is also wonderful! It is quite terrifying but that is what you are going for so it works perfectly! Keep up the good work! I look forward to seeing more!
Hi Mary, I haven’t had the chance to look at your Storybook site before now, but it really caught my attention. You did a really good job of choosing images and a background that go well together. It made the page easier to read and nice to look at. I also enjoyed the way that you present the text “Prepare to root of the bad guys.” It was interesting and eye catching. It was a very interesting choice to use the second person point of view. It always catches me off guard. However, that being said, I think it works well for your project. Between that and the pictures that you provide, the whole thing has a bit of a video game feel to it. Another neat thing that I noted was the Jurassic Park quote at the bottom of your introduction. It fit really well with your introduction. I liked how you included it at the very bottom of the page. It feels like it is hidden, but in a very clever way.
Hey Mary! So I absolutely love the storybook you’ve come up with! I love the design of your website, the colors, and fonts are perfect for what you’re doing! The bright colors of all the pictures of the monsters are great and very modern and I also like your nod to Danerys from Game of Thrones as well.
I think the idea of so-calle monsters redeaming themselves is a great idea. Like all stories, there are two sides to everything and it’s no different here. While they may seem like monsters to everyone else, they usually are victims of circumstance. Who knows what really happened in all those stories? What if the men called the heroes are truly the monsters?
So in light of that I think your storybook is great. However one tweak you might do is to add some quotation marks around where your characters are actually speaking because I found that a little confusing. I had trouble understanding who was talking and when. That’s the only problem I can think of! It’s a great story, a great read!
Hey Mary, so firstly I just want to talk about how jealous I am of your storybook’s layout. It is absolutely amazing and I have no idea how you did it. I struggled to get mine to look like it does now and it is nowhere near as intricate or as cool as yours. Beyond that, I really think you have an interesting idea going with your storybook. It is a very creative idea to use some of the big name, historically written about monsters in a new and inventive way that helps move your storybook’s plot along. I think it was a very smart choice to explain each of the three villain leaders through your first stories. It gives you the opportunity to tell us exactly what we need to know about the villains as well as set up their place in the story. Can’t wait to see what you add next!
I just want to start off by saying how cool your blog and storybook looks. I love the set up you have and the different fonts and pictures really sets the tone for what I will be reading. I was excited to read the story about Ogres because that is not something that people typically write about. The circles full of information add a nice extra to the storybook because this helps guide the reader on the important information. Your use of different fonts and bolding and italicizing shows the different thoughts and viewpoints and that helped me understand the story much better. I like that you added on to the background of the ogres because that was character development and helped the reader better understand the ogre. The images you added to this story created a good representation of how the ogres are portrayed. The scary and almost alien-like images show that these creatures are truly the villains that everyone thinks they are so thank you for adding those pictures. This was a great read and I can’t wait to read more un your storybook.
Wow this story book is really well put together. I am quite impressed with how you story book looks. as i was reading your intro i was thinking that this sounded a lot like the suicide squad so i was very happy when you said that in your notes. I really like how you combined different worlds in to yours. your Men in Black joke had me cracking up because that was the first thing i thought when i saw MIB (haha they are out of this world). I also love the way that you tell this story. not only do you give good descriptions but you are also writing this from "my" point of view this is something that i have never really experienced in a book before it gives it an almost roll play feel to it. or like i am playing a video game. very good job and i cant wait to come back and see more
Wow Mary! I'm loving your storybook! The first page is attention getting and immediately drew me into the story. The link and the setup of your blog are perfect for your story. I thought your introduction was great. I like that you threw together so many different types of characters! There is something for everyone. I also like the world that you have created. I think it's such an interesting concept! (Are you as excited for Suicide Squad as I am?) I think your first story did a good job of introducing the way the rest of the stories are going to go. I didn't know anything about the Ogre, but I look forward to finding out more. Are you going to tell all three characters stories and then bring them together for the final story? I think that would be a great idea. I look forward to following your storybook. Great job!
Hey Mary. ok so i came back to your story book because it has been one of my favorite that i have read so far. you do such a good job with these stories. I really do enjoy reading them. this story was awesome! again i really like the way that you wright, putting us as the main person is just such a cool idea i really feel like i am meeting these villains and heroes. that leades me to my next point. i really like that you added Robin Hood as a veteran agent. I think that it really helps to tie your world together. i also liked the advice or... not advice that he offered. I thought i brought a good touch of humor to this story. ah what a better place to have Lilith than a garden. I thought this was a nice touch. I also really like how you blended everything together. Keep up the good work and i look forward to reading your next story
Hi Mary! So I had to go back to storybooks I had been to and commented on before, and I came back to yours because I remember how much I liked your introduction! After reading your second story, I can still say how much I like your storybook! Your first page is different since I was here last, but I love the changes! It draws me in immediately! Your new story is great too! I did not see any major errors, and your formatting keeps the story flowing smoothly. Your pictures are perfect. I love the dark background and bright pictures. It sets the whole scene for your storybook. I also really like that you have the little circle about the criminal. It helps the reader really connect before reading the rest of the story. I am really looking forward to seeing your final product! Keep up the good work!
Hi Mary! This was my first time reading your storybook, and I like what I read! I could tell from the title of your storybook that it had a teeny bit of a Suicide Squad influence even before I got to your author's note. I had never heard of Lillith nor Hiko until I got to your storybook, so I was intrigued out of curiosity. Also, good job with the website layout!
I also like how our main character is a new agent of the MBI, and you joke a bit about the MIB. But I would like to know more about our main character doing one-on-one interviews. What is her name? How did she get here? Will she get her own story after being done with her interviews?
It is due to my questions and curiosity that I will be back to read your storybook in the future. Good job!
Hey, Mary! This is one of the most beautifully done storybooks I’ve come across! You can definitely tell just how much you care about this project! Just. Wow. I love the individuality of each page. Yours is definitely a diamond in the rough and I’m just floored!
Here are some thoughts as I read the intro: • Haha, the play on the MIB/MBI acronyms is pretty clever. • Aw, puns are the best. Everyone should’ve laughed at that. • Oh my god, “Heroes Academy” – bless you. • KHALEESI • Ah, there’s the Suicide Squad reference I was waiting for! I love her dramatic pause and then the ensuing chaos. Wonderful. • Haha, not inviting Lucifer because “he is just too far gone” – I don’t know if you meant that to be as funny as it is to me, but I’m honestly just cackling. (I come from the Supernatural fandom – we have a complicated relationship with Lucifer.) • Medusa! Medusa is one of the greats and she’s definitely one of those that I’ve always felt sorry for. Her character is so tragic – I can’t wait to see how you do this. • I love the shield! • JURASSIC WORLD QUOTE AT THE END YOU’VE WON EVERYTHING
So, needless to say I love this a lot. And I’m only on the introduction. I’ll definitely be coming back later!!
This is such a creative idea. I love how your storybook allows you to blend characters from so many different worlds. I really liked your introduction but the italics confused me a bit. I’m guessing it’s a narrator describing what is happening and what the main character is feeling ? It was also a bit confusing when the ogre was talking in your second story. Perhaps you could add some quotation marks to make it a little more clear that the Ogre is speaking to the reader directly.
I absolutely love the look of your site. I haven’t seen anyone else do ANYTHING like it. It’s so thorough. I love the formatting and the colors. It really does help build your storybook’s world of there being a secret Mythological Bureau of Investigations. I feel like your main character is kind of like a therapist going around and studying all of the villains and determining whether they are telling the truth or not. Great job though!!
Hey Mary! I wasn't sure where to put this so I though, it's a comment why not the comment wall? I just wanted to thank you for that sweet comment you left me when things were kind rough for me. It really meant a lot to me and came at a time when I really needed it. I was super sick and also just really down and your comment really helped to lift my spirits so thank you!
Hey, Mary! I’m starting on the “The Ogre” now and this page is already just fascinating. Some thoughts as I read:
• That picture of the ogre is kinda scary, not gonna lie. • I love how, through the narrator’s voice, you describe the ogre to us. The narrator slipping into the room unnoticed also kind of builds a tension in the reader because now I’m just like “emagerd what’s the ogre going to do when he does seem him?!” • HAHAHA “skilled ninja stealth” • Aw, Hiko just wants to be accepted • Whoa. This huge block paragraph should really be broken up. Why do people in this class hate each other so much that they don’t break up their paragraphs? Better yet – how were you able to write all that? Doesn’t it hurt your eyes? Be kind to yourself. • Here’s a good rule of thumb to follow: if a paragraph of text takes up more than half of a computer screen, than start breaking it up. • “ my forgiveness.I vowed” you’re missing a space here.
Overall, this is really well done! The story you’re telling here is coming together very well! I can’t wait to read more!
Hi, Mary! Right away, your website title piqued my interest! I definitely had some super hero motifs running through my head when I arrived at your site. Your site itself was awesome! I toyed with the idea of using something other than googlesites as my platform, but ultimately decided against it. Yours makes me wish I hadn’t—it looks great! The images you chose were fantastic, and the graphics of the site were fantastic. I was wowed before I even began reading. I read your introduction this week, and I LOVED your first line. As a fan of Men in Black, it made me chuckle. From beginning to end, your story had my interest. Anything involving Daenerys Targaryen has my approval (can’t wait for the next book to come out—it feels like it will never happen). HEAD OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY(!!)—here I was thinking it couldn’t get any better. Stylistically, I think your use of italics to signal stream of consciousness versus narration was interesting, and worked well. All in all, I cannot wait to read more!
Mary, I had to come back to your storybook because I remembered how amazed I was by your layout and the overall look of it as a whole. And after I recalled that, I knew that I also had to find out what else had happened to your characters and the redemption squad! I’d forgotten how you wrote in second person too! It is still impressive to me. I usually can’t stand reading things written in second person because they feel so unnatural. But yours is really easy to follow and get behind. Your character integration and plot progression in each character introduction is amazing! I really enjoyed reading about Lilith. It is so nice to see someone stand up for themselves and to stand behind their decision with confidence and conviction. Great job and I will definitely be back! Just a side note, however! The text on Lilith’s page runs off the sides and makes it a little difficult to read smoothly.
Hi there Mary!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I liked the cover page of your storybook. I also liked the contrast of the three villains and how it caught my attention. After looking at the pictures and reading the caption under it, it made me wonder what the stories were going to be about and why we would want to root for the bad guys! After reading your introduction it all came together very nicely. I also would like to add that your introduction was amazing! I loved how you wrote it. It was cool to be able to be inside the characters mind and her their thoughts about what was unfolding in front of them. It truly felt personal! Another thing that I liked was the humor weaved throughout the introduction. All in all, your writing style seems to be very well put together and I'm so excited to read your stories!
Hello Mary,
ReplyDeleteLet me just say that I LOVE your design! I am now wishing I would have used Wix instead of google sites! When your site loaded and I saw everything that was going on, I was instantly excited to read your storybook! I've told this to other people but the a story will only survive if the reader can connect with the characters and feel their emotions and you have done a great job at this. I also like that your text contrasts with the background and you've spaced everything out to where it doesn't run together into one big blob of words. Great job and I can't wait to read more!
First of all, I really like your page. It’s really nice with the color scheme and having different colors for the different stories. The images are also very cool to look at. I like the perspective you wrote this in. I feel like Daenerys is really talking to me with the word choices. It shows how captivating your story is and how it grabs the readers attention by placing him in the story. It also feels more personal to the reader, which I like.
ReplyDeleteFro the introduction, I can definitely see the references to the Suicide Squad. I hope to see more references there and also from Harry Potter, which is one of my favorite book series. I know this is going to be a fun write for you and a fun read for me. I can’t wait to read the final product to catch any other references I can recognize. You did a great job and hope that you continue to progress.
Wow your coverpage made me pause and take it all in. I like it. The pictures you chose are very detailed but making each one their own color makes it not overwhelming. I haven't seen anything like your page yet. The dark background with the white text, makes for easier reading. The overall theme of the story is an awesome idea!! The picture you chose for the middle of the page of your introduction looks good on the page. The yellow boxes with the white text are somewhat difficult to read. I did pick up on your Harry Potter reference. I didn't understand the different text at first but after I went back I understood it as what was currently happening. That's a cool idea! I like your overall page, theme and story! Finally the picture of the badge really brought everything together. I will definitely return to your page to read your future stories!
ReplyDeleteI am such a sucker for anything police or cop related, so you definitely got me hooked! Your designs are awesome. I really like your colors and your images. My favorite is the badge at the end of your into page.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is also great! I love the role that you are taking on. It made your introduction much more interesting.
I feel that your intro and story both flow very well. Your writing style is the same in both so it does not seem confusing to me at all.
The dark background and white text makes reading your stories very easy as well. I know I read some pages where I had to strain to see the words, but yours was very easy on me.
Your picture on your story is also wonderful! It is quite terrifying but that is what you are going for so it works perfectly!
Keep up the good work! I look forward to seeing more!
Hi Mary,
ReplyDeleteI haven’t had the chance to look at your Storybook site before now, but it really caught my attention. You did a really good job of choosing images and a background that go well together. It made the page easier to read and nice to look at. I also enjoyed the way that you present the text “Prepare to root of the bad guys.” It was interesting and eye catching.
It was a very interesting choice to use the second person point of view. It always catches me off guard. However, that being said, I think it works well for your project. Between that and the pictures that you provide, the whole thing has a bit of a video game feel to it.
Another neat thing that I noted was the Jurassic Park quote at the bottom of your introduction. It fit really well with your introduction. I liked how you included it at the very bottom of the page. It feels like it is hidden, but in a very clever way.
Hey Mary!
ReplyDeleteSo I absolutely love the storybook you’ve come up with! I love the design of your website, the colors, and fonts are perfect for what you’re doing! The bright colors of all the pictures of the monsters are great and very modern and I also like your nod to Danerys from Game of Thrones as well.
I think the idea of so-calle monsters redeaming themselves is a great idea. Like all stories, there are two sides to everything and it’s no different here. While they may seem like monsters to everyone else, they usually are victims of circumstance. Who knows what really happened in all those stories? What if the men called the heroes are truly the monsters?
So in light of that I think your storybook is great. However one tweak you might do is to add some quotation marks around where your characters are actually speaking because I found that a little confusing. I had trouble understanding who was talking and when. That’s the only problem I can think of! It’s a great story, a great read!
Hey Mary, so firstly I just want to talk about how jealous I am of your storybook’s layout. It is absolutely amazing and I have no idea how you did it. I struggled to get mine to look like it does now and it is nowhere near as intricate or as cool as yours. Beyond that, I really think you have an interesting idea going with your storybook. It is a very creative idea to use some of the big name, historically written about monsters in a new and inventive way that helps move your storybook’s plot along. I think it was a very smart choice to explain each of the three villain leaders through your first stories. It gives you the opportunity to tell us exactly what we need to know about the villains as well as set up their place in the story. Can’t wait to see what you add next!
ReplyDeleteHey Mary,
ReplyDeleteI just want to start off by saying how cool your blog and storybook looks. I love the set up you have and the different fonts and pictures really sets the tone for what I will be reading. I was excited to read the story about Ogres because that is not something that people typically write about. The circles full of information add a nice extra to the storybook because this helps guide the reader on the important information. Your use of different fonts and bolding and italicizing shows the different thoughts and viewpoints and that helped me understand the story much better. I like that you added on to the background of the ogres because that was character development and helped the reader better understand the ogre. The images you added to this story created a good representation of how the ogres are portrayed. The scary and almost alien-like images show that these creatures are truly the villains that everyone thinks they are so thank you for adding those pictures. This was a great read and I can’t wait to read more un your storybook.
Wow this story book is really well put together. I am quite impressed with how you story book looks. as i was reading your intro i was thinking that this sounded a lot like the suicide squad so i was very happy when you said that in your notes. I really like how you combined different worlds in to yours. your Men in Black joke had me cracking up because that was the first thing i thought when i saw MIB (haha they are out of this world). I also love the way that you tell this story. not only do you give good descriptions but you are also writing this from "my" point of view this is something that i have never really experienced in a book before it gives it an almost roll play feel to it. or like i am playing a video game. very good job and i cant wait to come back and see more
ReplyDeleteWow Mary! I'm loving your storybook! The first page is attention getting and immediately drew me into the story. The link and the setup of your blog are perfect for your story. I thought your introduction was great. I like that you threw together so many different types of characters! There is something for everyone. I also like the world that you have created. I think it's such an interesting concept! (Are you as excited for Suicide Squad as I am?) I think your first story did a good job of introducing the way the rest of the stories are going to go. I didn't know anything about the Ogre, but I look forward to finding out more. Are you going to tell all three characters stories and then bring them together for the final story? I think that would be a great idea. I look forward to following your storybook. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Mary.
ReplyDeleteok so i came back to your story book because it has been one of my favorite that i have read so far. you do such a good job with these stories. I really do enjoy reading them. this story was awesome! again i really like the way that you wright, putting us as the main person is just such a cool idea i really feel like i am meeting these villains and heroes. that leades me to my next point. i really like that you added Robin Hood as a veteran agent. I think that it really helps to tie your world together. i also liked the advice or... not advice that he offered. I thought i brought a good touch of humor to this story. ah what a better place to have Lilith than a garden. I thought this was a nice touch. I also really like how you blended everything together. Keep up the good work and i look forward to reading your next story
Hi Mary!
ReplyDeleteSo I had to go back to storybooks I had been to and commented on before, and I came back to yours because I remember how much I liked your introduction!
After reading your second story, I can still say how much I like your storybook!
Your first page is different since I was here last, but I love the changes! It draws me in immediately!
Your new story is great too! I did not see any major errors, and your formatting keeps the story flowing smoothly.
Your pictures are perfect. I love the dark background and bright pictures. It sets the whole scene for your storybook. I also really like that you have the little circle about the criminal. It helps the reader really connect before reading the rest of the story.
I am really looking forward to seeing your final product! Keep up the good work!
Hi Mary! This was my first time reading your storybook, and I like what I read! I could tell from the title of your storybook that it had a teeny bit of a Suicide Squad influence even before I got to your author's note. I had never heard of Lillith nor Hiko until I got to your storybook, so I was intrigued out of curiosity. Also, good job with the website layout!
ReplyDeleteI also like how our main character is a new agent of the MBI, and you joke a bit about the MIB. But I would like to know more about our main character doing one-on-one interviews. What is her name? How did she get here? Will she get her own story after being done with her interviews?
It is due to my questions and curiosity that I will be back to read your storybook in the future. Good job!
Hey, Mary! This is one of the most beautifully done storybooks I’ve come across! You can definitely tell just how much you care about this project! Just. Wow. I love the individuality of each page. Yours is definitely a diamond in the rough and I’m just floored!
ReplyDeleteHere are some thoughts as I read the intro:
• Haha, the play on the MIB/MBI acronyms is pretty clever.
• Aw, puns are the best. Everyone should’ve laughed at that.
• Oh my god, “Heroes Academy” – bless you.
• KHALEESI
• Ah, there’s the Suicide Squad reference I was waiting for! I love her dramatic pause and then the ensuing chaos. Wonderful.
• Haha, not inviting Lucifer because “he is just too far gone” – I don’t know if you meant that to be as funny as it is to me, but I’m honestly just cackling. (I come from the Supernatural fandom – we have a complicated relationship with Lucifer.)
• Medusa! Medusa is one of the greats and she’s definitely one of those that I’ve always felt sorry for. Her character is so tragic – I can’t wait to see how you do this.
• I love the shield!
• JURASSIC WORLD QUOTE AT THE END YOU’VE WON EVERYTHING
So, needless to say I love this a lot. And I’m only on the introduction. I’ll definitely be coming back later!!
Kirsten
Hi Mary!!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a creative idea. I love how your storybook allows you to blend characters from so many different worlds. I really liked your introduction but the italics confused me a bit. I’m guessing it’s a narrator describing what is happening and what the main character is feeling ? It was also a bit confusing when the ogre was talking in your second story. Perhaps you could add some quotation marks to make it a little more clear that the Ogre is speaking to the reader directly.
I absolutely love the look of your site. I haven’t seen anyone else do ANYTHING like it. It’s so thorough. I love the formatting and the colors. It really does help build your storybook’s world of there being a secret Mythological Bureau of Investigations. I feel like your main character is kind of like a therapist going around and studying all of the villains and determining whether they are telling the truth or not. Great job though!!
Hey Mary! I wasn't sure where to put this so I though, it's a comment why not the comment wall? I just wanted to thank you for that sweet comment you left me when things were kind rough for me. It really meant a lot to me and came at a time when I really needed it. I was super sick and also just really down and your comment really helped to lift my spirits so thank you!
ReplyDeleteHey, Mary! I’m starting on the “The Ogre” now and this page is already just fascinating. Some thoughts as I read:
ReplyDelete• That picture of the ogre is kinda scary, not gonna lie.
• I love how, through the narrator’s voice, you describe the ogre to us. The narrator slipping into the room unnoticed also kind of builds a tension in the reader because now I’m just like “emagerd what’s the ogre going to do when he does seem him?!”
• HAHAHA “skilled ninja stealth”
• Aw, Hiko just wants to be accepted
• Whoa. This huge block paragraph should really be broken up. Why do people in this class hate each other so much that they don’t break up their paragraphs? Better yet – how were you able to write all that? Doesn’t it hurt your eyes? Be kind to yourself.
• Here’s a good rule of thumb to follow: if a paragraph of text takes up more than half of a computer screen, than start breaking it up.
• “ my forgiveness.I vowed” you’re missing a space here.
Overall, this is really well done! The story you’re telling here is coming together very well! I can’t wait to read more!
Hi, Mary!
ReplyDeleteRight away, your website title piqued my interest! I definitely had some super hero motifs running through my head when I arrived at your site. Your site itself was awesome! I toyed with the idea of using something other than googlesites as my platform, but ultimately decided against it. Yours makes me wish I hadn’t—it looks great! The images you chose were fantastic, and the graphics of the site were fantastic. I was wowed before I even began reading.
I read your introduction this week, and I LOVED your first line. As a fan of Men in Black, it made me chuckle. From beginning to end, your story had my interest. Anything involving Daenerys Targaryen has my approval (can’t wait for the next book to come out—it feels like it will never happen). HEAD OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY(!!)—here I was thinking it couldn’t get any better. Stylistically, I think your use of italics to signal stream of consciousness versus narration was interesting, and worked well. All in all, I cannot wait to read more!
Mary,
ReplyDeleteI had to come back to your storybook because I remembered how amazed I was by your layout and the overall look of it as a whole. And after I recalled that, I knew that I also had to find out what else had happened to your characters and the redemption squad! I’d forgotten how you wrote in second person too! It is still impressive to me. I usually can’t stand reading things written in second person because they feel so unnatural. But yours is really easy to follow and get behind. Your character integration and plot progression in each character introduction is amazing! I really enjoyed reading about Lilith. It is so nice to see someone stand up for themselves and to stand behind their decision with confidence and conviction. Great job and I will definitely be back!
Just a side note, however! The text on Lilith’s page runs off the sides and makes it a little difficult to read smoothly.